Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
