dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
