Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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