he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
