Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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