they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
