Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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