I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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