She went from zero to smokin in five shots
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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