Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my being single is dangerous.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
