i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
