it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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