Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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