Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
