i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
