you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
