He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
