I am puke
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
