This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
