i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
