So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
