and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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