I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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