My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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