well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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