Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
