Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
