is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
