So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
