did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
