I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
