question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
