theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
