Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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