Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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