i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
