I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
