is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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