i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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