i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
