end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
