Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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