From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
