you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
