Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
