I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
