What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
