Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
