im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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