Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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