There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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