Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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