Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
