Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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