I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
