No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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