Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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