Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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