.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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