so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
