so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
