I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
