I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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