Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
