I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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