not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i now understand why vodka
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
