Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
