I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
