I am puke
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
